


What If Never Giving Up Isn't Enough?

by Heymonkeylover38



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Bisexual Male Character, F/M, Gay Male Character, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soulmates, coming to terms with oneself, if you don't like it don't read it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-08-29 10:05:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16741954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heymonkeylover38/pseuds/Heymonkeylover38
Summary: An exploration of Naruto and Sasuke's feelings behind the scenes. How they fell in love, became toxic, and how they picked themselves back up again.Mostly told in one-shots from multiple points of view in chronological order starting from the Academy days, through their teen years, and eventually adulthood.





	1. Stranded on a Deserted Island

**Author's Note:**

> *I got my first hate comment.  
> First I'd like to address: if you're going to claim you're a god, let's get one thing straight. God loves everyone no matter who they are or how they identify. God would never ever want anyone to kill themselves because life is so precious and fragile. Every day we live is a miracle, and a chance to grow, help others, and become the selves God created us to be.  
> Second, pretty sure the summary and tags are pretty clear as to what to expect. So if you don't like what a LOT of people post here, go home. And yeah, I am reflecting on personal feelings I had to confront and get through, and yeah sometimes I really did feel like a "fucked up psycho" because of the feelings I was confronting because I wanted to be "normal." But the most normal I can be is ME.  
> Third, THINK the next time you tell someone to kill themselves. How do you know I'm not suffering, and just need something to push me over the edge? You would KILL a stranger and never even know.

When Naruto was a kid, he had no friends. He had no one in fact. No mom to run home to. No dad to give an unexpected, but comforting, hug when you needed it the most. No one to tell him "it's going to be ok."

He felt like an outsider in his own village. 

One day, his sensei at the Academy had asked them to write down one person they'd want to have with them if stranded on a deserted island.

Naruto stared at the blank piece of paper in front of him, unsurprised when no names came to mind.

Instead of dwelling on this... _emptiness_ \- he acted out, like he always did. He crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it, hitting his undeserving sensei weakly in the face.

Iruka's scowl wasn't anything to joke about, and the slap upside Naruto's head pulsed in pain. Iruka placed a new piece of paper on his desk, and scowled over Naruto's shoulder.

Naruto's pencil twitched in his fingers, and yet, a name just wouldn't come. Iruka huffed in impatience, and squared around the boy to meet his eyes.

"Come on, Naruto. There's got to be someone you'd want. Someone you love?" He probed.

Naruto stared into Iruka's pleading eyes with confusion, tilting the corners of his mouth down.

"Love?" The innocent child asked.

"Yes, you know, love. That warm fuzzy feeling you get in your chest or tummy being near someone?" Iruka stumbled for words, unsure how to explain such an abstract concept to a child. 

Naruto hesistated, trying to think about all his past experiences in his short life span. The only warm and fuzzy feeling he ever got was when he ate ramen. The hot broth warmed his insides as it slid down his chest and landed into his stomach. The spicy edge to the broth made his cheeks flush pink and he would feel a little warmer than he had started. 

"Like ramen?"

The class laughed, disrupting Iruka's carefully managed peace. Iruka was about to snap at the boy when he saw the confusion on his face from everyone's laughter, and a glisten of tears at the edges of his eyes, signifying his genuineness. 

"Yes," Iruka consented, "it's kinda like ramen." 

 

* * *

 

While the rest of the class laughed at Naruto, Sasuke easily wrote down "Uchiha Itachi."

He was never good enough for Father. Mother gave caring smiles, but never corrected Father's verbal abuse. And although there had been a change in Itachi, his distance only served to make Sasuke want to be that much closer to his older brother. His older brother who had once carried him on his back now only poked him on the forehead.

Sasuke's hand brushed against the spot Itachi's two fingers always hit. When Itachi would leave him and refuse his offer to spend time together, he always felt so empty despite that one spot on his forehead.

He glanced over at Naruto, who was too preoccupied to even notice the Uchiha's glance in his direction.


	2. Lost on the Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right after the Uchiha massacre

Sasuke stared at the reflection of himself in the water. A gust of wind rippled the water, distorting his face to look like that of his brother's.

Whispered screams and droplets of blood rode on wind, spraying Sasuke with a mist that he distinctly remembers as warm not cold. 

He wipes the blood from his face, but inspecting his shaking hand, he stared and stared at it until he realized why the blood was clear.

A fresh breath through flared nostrils centers him back on the dock, legs dangling over the edge across the Uchiha's lake. 

 _"It's just water,"_ his mind relaxes. He stared out across the lake for an indefinite amount of time, determined not to look at his reflection again.

The silence of the air, the steady warmth of the sun on his pale cheeks, lulled him to state of blank meditation. All emotions drained out of him until he felt so numb that he felt like nothing.

That's what he was told all his life, anyway. That he was nothing. Nothing compared to Itachi. A failure. A, a... a _disappointment_. And despite how hard he trained, how good his grades were, he was never enough.

He basked in this state of nothingness. No responsibilities. No one left to disappoint. No one left to care if he lived or died. No one left to live up to their expectations.

And Itachi, his beloved perfect brother, had taken them all away. Itachi had left him less than empty. He left him with nothing. Sasuke wondered how he'd fill that void, if he'd ever feel again.

He felt so broken, but there was no one to fill in the cracks in the places he couldn't reach himself.

His state of nothing was brought back to something as he heard something - _someone_ \- walking along the cursed trail of the Uchiha compound. Footsteps, soft, small, close together. 

Looking up, eyes as blue as the sky were meeting his. Childlike innocence and curiosity were swimming in those baby blues, staring at Sasuke's face just a little longer than needed in order to recognize someone.

 _Naruto_.

The sunshine hit his golden locks perfectly, almost giving him a sunny aura. His whisker marks were clear in the sun, unmoving as his lips neither frowned nor smiled.

His eyebrows knit together as if thought, and Sasuke felt like those eyes were looking past his careful mask and poking around in the emptiness of his heart. Naruto looked like he was trying to figure out how to put Sasuke's pieces together in order to make the puzzle.

Sasuke didn't like being looked at like a broken thing needed to be fixed. He got enough looks of sympathy from the villagers, he didn't need this blonde _orphan_ giving him looks either. 

_"He's never had a family to lose. He could never understand my pain."_

Sasuke scowled at the thought and looked away.

Then the pink lips turned into a pout, the blonde's eyebrows furrowing in hurt and rejection. 

 

* * *

 

The blonde turned his head away quickly, understanding the rejection he often received from everyone else. But Sasuke had looked so sad, so he thought, maybe, just maybe, he could comfort him. And maybe, just maybe, Sasuke would be different.

Naruto found it hard not to find Sasuke in a crowd. His hair, a shiny, spiky black graced his face like no other. The Uchiha fan was easy to spot on his shirt. Naruto was never looking for someone, because no one was ever looking for him. But somehow, his feet always led him to see Sasuke, and his eyes always fixated on him like the prettiest part of a picture.

His chest would tighten when one of his fangirls fawned over him, or asked Sasuke on a date. He felt himself exhale a breath he never knew he was holding when Sasuke rejected someone's offer.

And there he was again, Sasuke, sitting alone on a dock. Naruto always seemed to find him easily when they were alone. 

Naruto didn't mean to find him. He was actually taking the long way home after a particularly brutal day by the villagers. He had seen a mask he liked and had oogled a little too long at it. Long enough to get yelled at by the merchant and hit in head with the mask he had been lusting over.

Naruto ran away without picking up the mask. Stupid.

He knew this path was a little out of the way but, he figured it was worth it. The sunshine reflecting on the lake always seemed to calm him down when his chest felt just a little too tight.

When he saw Sasuke sitting there, he was surprised, but figured he shouldn't be. He hadn't even paid attention to the giant Uchiha fan marking the compound. He thought of yelling out to him when Sasuke turned, noticing his presence. 

His dark onyx eyes connected with his own blue, and he was left speechless. His lips couldn't even part to suck in the air necessary to speak. 

He looked, less, or, not quite, he just. Hmm. Naruto wasn't quite sure how to explain Sasuke's look that just felt like he  was barely even there. He was trying to figure it out when Sasuke scowled and turned away.

The tightness stabbed back at his chest and his lips reflexively distorted to a pout at the sudden onset of pain. He felt like he couldn't breathe, it hurt too much to try. He couldn't face another rejection today, so he too looked away.

He just needed to leave and get away. Go home and wrap himself up in his covers and refuse to cry just like last night. His pace quickened and he didn't look back.

 

* * *

 

Sasuke realized his mistake too late and swiveled his body in the direction Naruto was leaving. Naruto was no longer looking at him, but speedily moving away. 

Sasuke watched him go with lingering eyes, trailing the way the sunlight still reflected his hair at this angle.

He made an attempt to vocalize some sort of call, but found his voice tight and strangled. No sound left his open mouth, his outstretched arm left dangling in the air. 

Lips shut, arm fell, eyes fell to the wood on the dock. 

Spacing out on a nail bent in the wood, he willed the world to slip away again. Just to feel the numbness that had let him slip away for a while.

He cursed under his breath, lips snarling in frustration. Fuck. He felt something. He felt something and he could no longer feel nothing.

His eyes snapped back up to where Naruto had been last seen walking away from him and felt his heart ache.

"Naruto," barely a whisper, lost on the wind. 

 


	3. The Spar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi POV

Naruto blinked back into awareness. For a split second, the world had been pitch black. He floated in weightlessness, and the yells from his classmates seemed perfectly muffled. 

But now, as his blurry eyes began to focus, he was lost in dark irises, threatening to swallow him whole.

The eyes of the boy he never stopped thinking about were bearing into his own. And it scared the shit of out him.

Those eyes were so cold, so bone chilling, that Naruto's skin had goosebumps and the slightest breeze had left him shivering on the ground.

The pain in the back of his head was gone, couldn't have even been remembered because he was so locked on those eyes.

It was like the look the villagers gave him every day. Hate. They _hated_ him. And he had no idea why, or what he had done other than a few harmless pranks just to get someone to notice him. Those eyes that told him to leave as soon as he came. The eyes that hurt so bad, no words of comfort could ever dull the sting. Not that those words ever came anyway. 

As Naruto kept his eyes unwaivering from the Uchiha's glare, he realized what was so different from the villagers' eyes compared to Sasuke's.

The hate in them were not meant for Naruto. Well, at least, not all of it.

The way that made Naruto feel was.. sweaty? It made his fingers tingle and mouth water. Finally, eyes of hate were not solely made for him. And it felt so wrong, to not be the one on the receiving end. It felt so wrong that Sasuke could be looking at him _like that_ , but not even looking at him at all.  

And Naruto didn't know what to do. He didn't think it was real. He had to be wrong, because when was he ever right? 

It barely registered when Iruka called out that Sasuke was the winner. He didn't quite feel his sensei's hand helping him back up. He didn't bother to put up his two fingers to intertwine with Sasuke's when Iruka said it was tradition and friendship. 

No. He was grabbing Sasuke's shirt, endlessly searching those lifeless black eyes for the lie. Searching for how wrong he was. There was no way that hate wasn't for him.

When he couldn't find a trace of hatred for him coming from Sasuke's eyes, he panicked.

He didn't hear the cheer from the fangirls. He didn't hear Iruka shout his name. He didn't read Sasuke's lips that muttered "loser." He didn't catch his peers' snickers behind his back.

No. He cleared the fence of the Academy's school yard in one jump, high enough and fast enough to be considered low level chunin. 

He tore through the trees surrounding the Academy, willing his legs to run faster and faster until he stumbled, catching a root in his sandal, and rocketing forward into the closest tree.

Ah, that black weightlessness was back. The silence was nice. There were no hateful eyes or hurtful muttering behind his back. Finally, he could breathe. 

* * *

Sasuke Uchiha never lost. He refused to lose anything more after losing everything he ever loved already. 

When Iruka called his name, he was ready for a swift victory with not a chance of ever losing anything ever again. 

But, when his name was called with Naruto Uzumaki's, his confidence dwindled to a flicker of a candle just lighting the cool darkness of his heart.

Him.

He was the one that ruined his perfect numb life. He was the reason that Sasuke was in so much pain. After he had gone through all that mental work to block the feelings and the rest of the world out, this shiny sunshine-haired son of a bitch just had to make him feel something again.

Now the only feeling he could feel in the slight flicker of his heart was hate. Hate at Naruto for making him feel this way.

The stupid blonde's trash talking was equally annoying. It threatened to make his perfect scowl inch up at the edges. His stupid voice threatened to pull away at the perfect stone cold reality Sasuke had very carefully and painstakingly built for himself.

This stupid idiot had made him -

before he could even think the thought, his body was on top of Naruto's, fist just inches from the tan nose. 

It was his fault...his fault... his..

Him. 

He took everything away from him he ever loved.

_Itachi_.

He was going to kill the man that took away his family. That took away the only big brother that ever cared about him like a father.

_"Come find me when you have eyes like mine."_

Are these eyes enough like yours, Itachi? The spinning red hatred in your eyes and disgust for your clan??

Sasuke sure as fuck hated Itachi, and simultaneously felt deeper than disgust at his once older brother. 

A squeal of a fan girl brought back Sasuke from that dark, dark place. 

He turned to scowl at the two girls; what were their names again, Ino-pig and Billboard Brow? 

No, that's what they called each other...

He had tried to walk away from it all, until Iruka called him out. A pink dusting flitted across his cheeks in embarrassment of having been reprimanded for walking away without finishing the sparring etiquette.

Right, it was only a spar. It was only a circle in a school yard, with blue eyes furrowed on a whiskered face, not red. 

Those blues eyes that were once again looking at how broken Sasuke had just presented himself, as some thing to be fixed.

Uchiha did not show weakness, not to someone so weak as the class's DeadLast. 

He saw Naruto's fist reaching for his shirt, so he grabbed Naruto's shirt quicker than the blonde could grab his own.

He challenged the blue eyes to back down and leave him the fuck alone. Let his feelings be, locked up safe and tucked away like they should be.

He finally let a smirk crackle across his face as the sunshined idiot ran and jumped over the fence.

* * *

 

Why was he out here again?

Oh right, he had run into a frantic Iruka, who was always funny to see a little flustered like a mother hen, just as he had been on his way to the Memorial Stone.

But why had he promised to find one of his missing students for him?

Ahh, yes. It just happened to be the blonde look-a-like of his former sensei, Minato. His guilt of not looking after the boy over the years had only increased, which only increased his thirst for suicide ANBU missions, increase his time of lateness to meetings (he was currently at 1hr and 43minutes), and increase the amount of porn read in public to severely limit his already limited social interaction.

But Iruka was never one to take a hint, even with his fake giggles to offend the man away.

Glancing up from his book, the Academy sensei was still there, feet planted in front of the famous copy-cat jounin.

"Please, Hatake-san! He hasn't come back in hours and he wasn't at the ramen shop or at home. He ran into the woods by himself, and I just heard patrol reports saying some foreign nin had been spotted close to the direction he was heading. You're one of the best trackers in the village and I would go find him myself but no one will substitute with me for the afternoon so that I can go find him. I only have a few minutes left of my lunch break now and if I'm not back-"

A gloved palm very close to his lips silenced the chunin sensei very quickly. 

"I'll find him."

Damn that Iruka and his annoying nonstop mouth. Well, the current silence in the woods was nice. He was pretty bored while all leave anyways. Chakra exhaustion his ass. He was fine. 

He quickly caught the trail of the Academy student, easy enough to follow with the sloppy footwork while running, not bothering to avoid branches or sinkholes of mud to leave tracks behind. 

He caught the whiff of chalkboard erasers and dirt from the Academy's yard. 

Sure enough, he found the sandal wedged between a nasty root and edged rock. A few feet await a sleeping blonde was cast in shadows under a tree, a few leaves that had been ruffled off during the tree's assault bobbed up and down on his little chest. 

Kakashi peered over the child with a curious tilt to his head, taking in the features of his sensei and Kushina, on a young orphan's face. The blonde hair was the same shade of yellow as Minato's and he could bet his eyes were just as blue. But his baby face was round and eyes wide like Kushina's. His nose was pudgy like hers, too.

A small stream of blood had washed down the right side of the boy's temple, mixing in with his light eyebrows and slithering like a snake down his chubby cheeks.

Kakashi gently picked up the child like a newborn puppy, and laid him to rest blissfully unaware on the jounin's back. Kakashi picked up the lost sandal and took off towards the boy's house at a slow, gentle pace.

The doors were locked, or maybe Kakashi was just didn't bother to try them, but either way, he still opted for the window which slid up without a fight.

He laid the kid on his bed and fetched a towel soaked in lukewarm water. He washed the blood from the kid's bloody toes, only to see them unscathed. 

Naruto groaned a bit when his foot was tickled. Next, Kakashi wiped his face clean, this time earning a swat from the waking boy's arms. 

Kakashi chuckled, and satisfied there was no visible damage to his sensei's son, he sped back over to the window.

Naruto's eyes started to blink and the small body sat up in bed with a moan of protest. Kakashi slipped out the window before being caught.

"Huh? How'd I get back here? I could've sworn I was..."

Kakashi chuckled from his seat on Naruto's balcony. The Icha Icha series was back between his fingers. The world easily fading away again.

At least this time when he talked to his sensei, he could talk about something other than his overflowing guilt. 

* * *

 


	4. Team Assignments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke POV

A hot flash of red swept across her face. One minute she was furious, the next jealous, after speechless, and finally returning to absolutely furious again.

  
She screamed.

  
The man of her dreams, Sasuke Uchiha, was kissing the classmate her mother had warned her to stay away from, who was smelly, loud mouthed, annoying, and always ALWAYS taking away Sasuke-kun's attention from HER.

  
Although clearly accidental, she still felt it necessary to whack Naruto so hard upside the head that he fell to the floor with a crash. She shrugged - he was resilient. But she didn't have time to contemplate Naruto's status because she was too busy fawning over her husband-to-be.

  
Her poor, poor Sasuke-kun was simply too shocked for words. He simply stared at his offender, but Sasuke-kun was no victim! He was strong, cool, and collected, unlike the blonde idiot who wouldn't stop yelling and flailing around.  
His dreamy dark eyes barely paid her mind, but she could care less. It was all part of the bad boy persona he put on. Every rejection just made him THAT much cooler.

  
Sasuke-kun would be hers or Ino-pig's, but he'd never be Ino-pig's, so clearly he'd be hers.

  
Now all she needed was to be put on the same team with him and...

  
She couldn't contain her excitement when Iruka called his name after hers.

Finally! This was it! He'd see how pretty and smart and better she was than Ino-pig and all the time they'd spend together could only draw them closer and closer until...  
Chanaro!

* * *

He didn't see it coming, how could he have? One second he was jumping up to yell.. um.. something at Sasuke and the next a jab in his butt had propelled him forward, and none other than Sasuke's lips stopped his fall.

  
He couldn't stop his forward motion, so to avoid cracking one of Sasuke's teeth, he steadied himself by hooking his finger tips on the underside of Sasuke's jaw. He held them there briefly before realizing his error, and like the whispher of a ghost, lifted them every so gently not a soul could have seen the action (except maybe Shikamaru, the lazy observant bastard).

  
His forward motion made it difficult to pull back from this accidental kiss, so he was waiting for Sasuke to pull back and just end it. But, he never did.

  
Instead, it was Sakura's screech that scared him out of this...what was this? It was.. nope.

Nope, nevermind.

  
He jumped back and found himself on the floor, his head aching from Sakura's impossibly hard hit. He was cursing profanities to block out his real thoughts, throwing up his arms in frustration.

  
Why hadn't Sasuke pulled back?! Why?! That bastard, just what was he playing at?

  
And why it felt...

  
No.

  
No. It was wrong.

  
It had to be wrong. From everything Naruto had ever observed in his life, he had never seen a man kiss a man. It was always mommies and daddies who shared quick moments on the streets, or boy and girl couples who held hands and stuck food in each other's mouths.

  
Never had he seen a boy and a boy.

That's why he liked Sakura. All girls ever talked about was boyfriends and getting married. He wanted to have someone, too. He didn't want to be alone like he always was. If he had a girlfriend then he'd have to have someone in his life to be his friend.

  
Naruto just needed to forget about this, like it never happened. Sasuke didn't look phased at all, that smooth bastard.

* * *

When Naruto touched Sasuke's lips, the first thing he thought was, yes.

  
Ever since that day that Naruto had made him feel, he couldn't keep thinking that something was missing, but he couldn't figure out what.

  
When Naruto's fingers wrapped under his jaw, he felt his eyes close. This was it. This was what was missing.

  
His eyes couldn't have been closed for more than a second when the warm fingers left the spot cooling on his face.

He snapped open his eyes, remembering where he was and how he was NOT supposed to have enjoyed that.

  
But he couldn't help it. It just seemed, right?

  
Even with Sakura vying for his attention, he couldn't even bother to look at her. He was too caught up in the moment. Too swept from that brief little peck to consider what this all meant.

  
"Loser," He muttered under his breath with a smirk. Naruto yelled something back, but he couldn't hear it.

  
Not now. Not that he had found that something to fill that dark empty hole in his chest. He didn't even see Iruka come in.

  
The thoughts kept pouring in his brain instead.

  
Just what did all this mean? Does he like guys? Does he like Naruto? What would Father say? Would mother have smiled like always? What would they think of their son for maybe liking a boy?

  
Well, it didn't really matter now. They were dead.

  
When Sasuke returned from his thoughts, Naruto and Sakura were the only ones left. Guess this was his team.

  
"Humph."

 


	5. Naruto's Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Sasuke's POV. This is a short one.

It was after their kiss that Sasuke started to notice a lot more things about Naruto. He was amazed during the bell test when Naruto made actual solid clones, when he couldn't make a clone for his life back in the Academy.

He watched as their weakest team member, who he discovered wasn't actually that weak, outlast both him and Sakura put together.

It wasn't until one day when he asked Kakashi to teach him the Shadow Clone Jutsu, that he realized just how much chakra Naruto actually had. Kakashi hummed in acknowledgment and Sasuke didn't ask again.

Naruto was loud, obnoxious, and annoying, but he still felt an undeniable pull towards the blonde. He couldn't help but smirk when the idiot put his hand behind his neck and rubbed it when he was embarrassed.

He relished in their spars when Naruto's skin touched his. He hadn't realized how much he craved the other boy's touch until they were headed home and he was all alone.

One day, he decided to test his limits. He let his hand rest on Naruto's during a break. Naruto didn't flinch or make a face, but he looked at the hand and then looked at Sasuke with confusion on his face. Stubborn and prideful, Sasuke refused to move his hand.

It was then that Sasuke caught the most genuine smile he had ever seen Naruto give. His eyes glistened and crinkled slightly, while the corners of his mouth tugged up just slightly, to reveal the softest, shyest of grins. Sasuke's heart fluttered like a nest of butterflies had suddenly been startled, and for a second he forgot how to breathe.

How many smiles had Naruto given in his life that weren't actually real? Sasuke had never noticed before, but he kicked himself realizing all those blinding smiles were just for show.

Of course, Naruto had been the pariah of the village, with no parents or family to love him and no friends to show him affection. Naruto had been starved of human contact and acknowledgement, hence his dream to be Hokage.

He didn't care about power, didn't care about being the leader, and didn't care about being the strongest. He just wanted to be loved, even if it was through admiration instead of actual feelings. Maybe he didn't know the difference.

And even though the smile was small, the way Naruto tilted his head to look up at the sky as if to say "finally," let Sasuke see how much he was basking in this small show of affection.

For the first time in a long time, that made Sasuke smile, too. It made him want to keep touching Naruto, to see him smile that real one instead of the fake one he always wore.

When Sasuke was around Naruto, his energy and idiotic personality made him forget about the blood and the loss and the hurt in his past. When he was around Naruto, he could finally crawl out of the shadows he let himself dwell in. Naruto was his sunshine, his warmth, his escape from all the shit he stewed in when he went home to an empty compound.

Sasuke absentmindedly stroked his thumb across Naruto's hand while he was lost in thought. Naruto smiled at the gesture, his cheeks dusting a light pink. He would be sure to return the same to Sasuke next time.

And so the battle of the hand holding began.


	6. When They Were Happy

"I don't want anyone to know about us."

"Why?"

"I just.. can't alright?"

"What are you, scared?"

"I just don't want anyone to know, alright?!"

"Fine, whatever, dobe. Don't get your panties in a bunch."

 

* * *

 

When Naruto started liking Sasuke, he couldn't really say. One day, out of no where, when Sasuke touched his hand, he felt a way that no one had ever made him feel before.

It was weird, at first. And then it started to feel more natural. Naruto didn't really like the sneaking around but, it's what they had to do. Naruto didn't want anyone to know, so they only saw each other at night or in the early morning before training.

Sure, training was a little tougher when they both weren't sleeping much at night, but Naruto much rather preferred to sleep cuddled next to Sasuke than alone. It got to the point where Naruto couldn't sleep if Sasuke wasn't by his side.

Naruto didn't understand why Sasuke was so nonchalant about the whole thing. For starters, he was the dead last while the Uchiha was rookie of the year. What a stain it would be to his status if he was caught in a relationship with Naruto!

Secondly, Naruto now understood why he was the village pariah, but he couldn't tell Sasuke. He was the container of the nine-tailed fox and the owner of an S-ranked secret. And all the adults knew! That's why they hated him so much. Naruto couldn't put that on Sasuke when he was already dealing with the loss of his clan and revenge plan for his brother.

And third, Naruto shuddered at the thought of all the fan girls who would be upset that Sasuke had chosen him, a boy, over any of them.

So he told him he didn't want to tell anyone. No one could know he was happy or they'd take Sasuke away from him.

Naruto giggled as Sasuke gave him fast little kisses all over his whiskered cheeks. "You're thinking too hard, I can see the smoke coming out of your ears."

Naruto twitched his lips in a smile, "I'm only thinking about you, baby."

Sasuke huffed and resumed his ticklish assault on Naruto's cheek, who giggled even further and eventually pulled Sasuke's lips to his own.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't hard to tell something was up between the two males on his team. This wasn't Kakashi's first walk around the block. Even though he was socially inept, he was exceptionally observant.

Sasuke Uchiha never smiled except to acknowledge his own skill. And yet, Kakashi saw the boy give a soft and real smile when Naruto was able to accomplish something he hadn't before. At first, Kakashi had thought their teamwork was improving, but that just wasn't right.

The way Sasuke touched Naruto when he thought no one was looking, and the blush on Naruto's face following the action was too suspicious.

Kakashi watched one day when Naruto invited Sakura to ramen, who refused. When he went to join the blonde later, he found Sasuke in the seat next to him instead.

Kakashi also noticed both boys had become a little more tired at training than previously. Both. At the same time.

And then, there were those times when they thought no one could see their hands when they were at lunch or on break that one of their thumbs would gently caress the other's hand. Sometimes during missions when Sakura and Kakashi were in front of them, they interlocked fingers.

One morning, Kakashi decided that he'd arrive early in the covers of the trees and confirm his suspicions.

Before Sakura arrived, the two boys came hand in hand, Naruto laughing and Sasuke smirking. The both sat down in front of a tree, and Naruto leaned his head on Sasuke's shoulder. After they both watched the clouds for a few minutes, Sasuke took Naruto's cheek in his hand and pulled his lips to his own.

The boys kissed for a while until it was close to the time that Sakura should arrive. Kakashi heard Sasuke tell Naruto to get up and slapped him on the ass. Naruto yelped and looked back embarrassed while Sasuke smirked.

 _"So he's the handsy one. Never would've thought,"_ Kakashi thought to himself.

Kakashi watched as the two separated, and their pink haired teammate arrived shortly after, none the wiser. She yelled at Naruto per usual and Sasuke stuck to one word answers around her.

Kakashi delved into thought after that, and then realized two hours later, he should probably tell his genin he was here.

 


	7. Chapter 7

If there had been one thing that was constant in Naruto's life up until he was 12 year old, was that he was alone. He had never felt the warmth of a mother, or the praise of a father. He never had the community of a clan, or companionship of a peer or sibling. He didn't know what it meant to embrace someone. His hugs were always too tight and clingy, and people peeled him off as swiftly as possible. No matter how much affection he had tried to show others, he was always rejected.

So he began to lash out. He hit away hands, and scowled whenever spoken to. If the world didn't want him, he didn't want the world either. And yet, he still wanted to them to acknowledge him. How could he not? He wanted to show them all what they had been missing out on. He was NARUTO UZUMAKI and it was _their_ faults for missing their opportunity to know him. He was ready to cast aside everyone and everything when they called him a failure, the deadlast, couldn't even graduate the Academy. They expected nothing from him, well, nothing but trouble. And yet he was determined to prove them wrong.

And that smug bastard Sasuke, always had everything handed to him. He had lost so much, that everyone catered to him hand and foot. When he was in the room, no one noticed Naruto. No one except Sasuke. 

As he laid there, in the dark room illuminated by the moonlight through an open window, he thinks about these things and he can't sleep. He has too much energy to close his eyes now. This silence, is so like the silence he is used to, and yet its different.

The soft snores of another, the sound of deep breathing, an easy indicator of sleep. He hears them when he's not thinking so hard. Sasuke says its dangerous for him to think, but he doesn't think he's stupid. He's not stupid enough to not be able to sleep. In fact, he has so many thoughts that he's often distracted. Can't focus when people are talking to him, when he's training, during missions, and when he's trying to sleep. He's constantly thinking, thinking, thinking... about his life up until this point. Thinking what is the right course of action to take, the right emotions to feel, the right way to act. About what it measn to be a person, a ninja, a friend, and a lover...

He feels like his instincts often take over and then he doesn't have to think. The instincts to look out for himself and be a loner. The instincts to run, hide, trick, use any means to escape. The instinct to stand out, take the chance, break the rules, all to just get some kind of acknowledgement. At this point, he doesn't care how many times he gets in trouble. If he gets in trouble, it means they haven't given up on him yet. If they are still willing to scold him, he's still willing to live. 

But then came Sasuke. And soon his thoughts started to become nonstop. Because he no longer wanted to think about just himself, but he wanted to think about Sasuke, too. And then Kakashi said he'd never abandon his comrades, and that made Naruto feel like he was a part of something, something bigger than himself. And once Sasuke started to look at him, ACTUALLY look at him, it made it hard not to think. How was he supposed to react to this situation? The way Sasuke was acting towards him was NOT normal, and confusing, and wrong? 

And yet, Naruto allowed it. He let it happen and he allowed Sasuke to sweep him off his feet and carry him under his arms. Naruto became putty in Sasuke's hands and devoted everything to him. And this strange thing keeps happening that when Sasuke is sad, Naruto feels sad, too. And Naruto doesn't know how to feel about that. Sasuke had seen a lot of blood and suffering. He lost everyone he had ever loved. But Naruto had never been loved. For some reason, Sasuke seemed sadder than Naruto, and so Naruto felt sad for Sasuke. 

But, no matter how much Naruto thought about it, he couldn't find the right solution. He didn't know what was right anymore. The way Sasuke made him feel, it was warm and filled in an empty hole he didn't know he had. It made him feel good, and needed, and more importantly, wanted. For the first time in his life, he felt genuinely wanted by someone. 

So, if holding Sasuke here like this, especially when he woke up from a nightmare, was what he could do, he'd do it. Naruto's heart was beating too fast, the nervous adrenaline he got from having someone so close to him, touching him, laying on him, didn't let him sleep at night. When Sasuke screamed in the middle of the night, Naruto would be there, holding him, kissing him, telling him everything was alright. He'd stay up all hours of the night, just to hold Sasuke, and he'd smile because this was the first time he'd ever felt this happy. 

He would struggle to keep his eyes open until the light of dawn was just peeking over the horizon. He'd eventually give in to sleep, because Sasuke would wake up soon anyways. He was an early riser, so Naruto could just pretend he was a late sleeper like always. Sasuke would gently rub Naruto's cheek with his thumb, over those sunken whiskers, until he blinked his eyes open. Naruto would force himself out of bed so Sasuke wouldn't be suspicious, and quickly get ready.

When Naruto would nod off while waiting for their sensei, Sasuke didn't bother to say anything. Sakura did of course, and she'd hit him over the head with her girly fist and yell at him for being lazy. Then she'd coddle up to Sasuke and compliment him about something. This happened for a few days until one day, Sasuke grabbed Sakura's fist before it hit Naruto's head. "Don't," was all he said. Naruto got an extra hour of sleep that morning, until Kakashi shushined in a swirl of leaves beside him... 

* * *

 

Even though Sasuke was part of the Uchiha clan, known to have special, observant eyes, he didn't realize what was going on with Naruto. Whenever he'd wake u pin the middle of the night, in a sweat from his dreams, he always assumed that Naruto's presence just lulled him back to sleep, and he never really remembered what happened in the middle of the night the next morning. 

He didn't notice how Naruto always slept in longer than him, or would fall asleep when idle. He didn't notice the bags under his eyes, since they'd usually go away during the afternoon when the Kyuubi gave him a little extra strength. He didn't notice how often Naruto yawned, or how he would look at him with sad, concerned eyes. He didn't notice that Naruto had been doing this all for him, and never thanked him for it. 

It wasn't until after the night when the nightmares were especially bad. Sasuke felt like he didn't get any sleep that night, the nightmares just kept coming. Something during the day had triggered memories of Itachi, and he was haunting his dreams. And every time he woke up, Naruto had been there, cooing him back to sleep. Sasuke assumed he had woken up Naruto with his screams each time. 

The next day, during a mission, Naruto was slow and sluggish. He almost cost them the mission, and Sauke was pissed. He lashed out, calling him the "idioic dead last who should just stay out of my way." Sasuke didn't mean that, and he didn't mean to lash out, but he didn't know how to curb his anger or soften his words. Naruto always let that stuff go easily, too. He was good like that. But something different happened that day that had never happened before.

Kakashi took Naruto aside after the mission. Naruto stared up at him with sparkling blue eyes, glistened with tears. They talked for a while, Kakashi sighed, and then let him go. Naruto nodded, and headed back to his apartment. 

When Naruto snuck into the Uchiha residence that night, Naruto seemed quieter than usual. Sasuke wanted to ask what was wrong, but he didn't. He just wasn't good at that sort of thing. He figured it was because of Naruto's poor performance that Kakashi had talked to him, and he was obviously upset about that. They went to bed without a word spoken between the two of them. Naruto spooning Sasuke like usual. 

When Sasuke woke up in the middle of the night, panting, sweating, from an other nightmare, nothing happened. Naruto hadn't woken up like usual and rubbed his back with soft gentle words until he fell bask asleep. He was so pissed off he turned over on his side and started to yell, "He-" when something occurred to him. Naruto had always been a deep sleeper. He never woke up, even if there was a thunderstorm that rocked the house. 

Sasuke watched the slow rise and fall of Naruto's chest in amazement. He took Naruto's arm and lifting it above himself, dropped it on the bed. Nothing. Naruto was sound asleep. At that moment, Sasuke acted without thinking. He shook Naruto violently until he cracked up an eye. "Erm, Sase?" he slurred in a drunken sleep state. 

"Why didn't you wake up this time? Why didn't you comfort me when I had a bad dream like you always do?" Sasuke demanded, taken advantage of Naruto's drowsy state.

"Whateryou talkin' abou...?" Naruto mumbled, "I nev'r 'oke up." 

"What?" Sasuke almost yelled, "Then how?"

"Never wenta sleep..." Naruto breathed out and then continued his heavy breathing. Sasuke sat there on the bed, dumbfounded. He watched as the blonde's lips slightly parted and then emitted soft little snores. 

"You...you idiot," Sasuke whispered as he drew his sleeve across his tearing eyes. He snuggled down next to Naruto, pulling said boy's arm across his body and held his hand tight. Sasuke laid there in the darkness, listening to Naruto's breathing, realizing he hadn't heard the blonde's sleeping breaths it in a while. The sound lulled him to sleep, and he slept the night peacefully without any nightmares. 


End file.
